She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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