i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
