dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
