I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have post one night stand depression
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
