my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
