ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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