Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
