Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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