finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
