i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
