You can't motorboat a personality
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
