My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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