got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize