u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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