I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
