We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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