At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
