so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
