my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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