just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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