Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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