I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
