It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
