I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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