Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
