That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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