i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
