i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Enjoy the penises
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
