So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
