I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
