When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so let's talk penis.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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