why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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