we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
