he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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