remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
