Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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