Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
