ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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