I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
