planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He passed out mid-signature
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You are the jesus of drinking
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
