this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize