They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
