I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
