I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
