We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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