So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
