After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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