Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
