She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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