i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
