Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
