I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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