I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
