I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize