he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
