i permit you to call me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
