Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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