Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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