At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
