69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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