If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize