man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
