I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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