My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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