your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
