dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
