forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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