I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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