Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
