Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
