I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
