maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
