There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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